Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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