Sponge bath it is.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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