Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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