i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
