You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
