he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
