I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
