my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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