I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize