Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
