don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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