What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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