This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
