get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
