I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
