Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
