Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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