Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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