I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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