Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
