her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
