I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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