i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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