wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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