Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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