Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
