3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.