party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!