: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
