Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL