It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me