i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.