and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
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The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me