I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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