I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
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I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered