I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening