You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door