So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
