i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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