You made me cry and you don't even care
barbara walters just said penis...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
