Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
