I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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