All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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