those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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