One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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