My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
