it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
