Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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