My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
