found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
