make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
