his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
