You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize