So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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