Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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