I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When are your genitals available?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
