Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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