my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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