i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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