So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A+ Viking dick
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
