I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
