zippers are such a cool invention
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
