you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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