He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
