these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
