I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
