Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
farters have to be the big spoon...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
