Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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