; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
