The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
