do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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