i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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