Im at strip club and am horny
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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