It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
