How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
