how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
