i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
