he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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