I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Welp...herpes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
