i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize