every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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