Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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