Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
that is very illegal...i love you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
