im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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