So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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