Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
